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One thing about being an adult is that you start checking emails more than your social media accounts. Another thing about being an adult is that you don't particularly enjoy doing that, mostly because the emails are either from NGOs asking you for money or from banks suggesting you borrow money (It's a lose-lose situation in both cases) Anyway. Other than emails from NGOs and banks, we get emails from the HR. Now here is the thing about mails from HR- they are harmless but they mock. Mock how? Consider this- No matter how much you want to use the 'Kaam utna karo ki salary zyadda lage' mantra- it's not going to work. Courtesy, universities our bosses went to study at. Given that I am so suspicious of everything in the world [ Eg: I still think Hillary Clinton paid Donald Trump to stand for the Presidential elections so that she could win but then she got trolled and I firmly believe that the bird which sat on Bernie Sander's podium during his speech was trained to do so. Also, I have zero faith in technology. Even though my auto sync is forever switched off, I make sure I don't click things I don't want people to know about because I get a feeling Apple is watching us and that it is partially funded by the US government to provide data ], it was not a big deal for me to think that MBA students have chapters explaining tactics to exploit their employees without them knowing it. Or to sound subtle- To make the most of their resources. Now, since by this age I have plenty of friends working in corporates; here's all that I have been able to figure out and if you're an MBA, let me know how close to reality it is.
The tactics in my view include:
1) Divide and Rule: Don't let your employees become friends
2) Tell them you're an NPA for the company. A Non-Performing Asset, In other words- A liability
3) Tell them their ideas are naive and then add a few flowcharts and tables and present them as yours
4) Give them big targets and the day they reach the target, increase it by half so that the initial target becomes the minimum target.
5) Act sweet.
And 6) Decorate your HR department with showpieces.
Coming back to why I feel the HR department mocks: So last Thursday I got an email saying that the department has arranged a free check up sorts for its employees- For liver and for kidney. I mean? You guys think we are so free we drink often? If there's anything we need a check up for- It's the brain. And the eyes. I am not sure how sitting in front of your system for such long hours can affect your liver or your kidney? The graphic attached asked- How healthy are you. Well, I don't know. I have massive back ache, my brain is exhausted and I am thirsty but I can't get up from my seat because WORK. But sure, let us get a liver check up and see how healthy I am, Showpiece.
Sometimes, I think it's a huge hoax where the government and the corporate worlds are not very different from each other. Consider this- You pay the government for education-the government pays you for working,-you pay the government through taxes-government makes you ignore your health- you fall sick- the government gives you medicines- you think it is taking care of you. Same is with the corporate world. But my problem is not with deceiving because that's what every government does. (Pentagon, are you smiling?) My problem is with mocking. You cannot not get noticed when you do things like this.
Liver check-up.
WTH.
It is like asking a painter to take tuitions for Mathematics and like asking an ice cream seller if he needs a microwave at his shop and like asking Punjabi parents if they need lessons on good parenting. Futile. They won't do it. They don't need it.